8/7

Apparently I have started to like the rain. It’s rainy and chilly Monday and I love it. Walked home with two heavy grocery bags through the rain instead of waiting for the bus. Felt kinda good. Summers are too hot here. For me. I am tired of sweating all day long and running the AC throughout the night. Maybe the PNW will be good for me.

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7/26

I’ve been waiting to hear back from this job I really want. It’s been 10 days and not a word. I do think I am qualified for it and a great fit so I should at least be invited for an interview. It’s dragging me down and I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Let alone be productive during the day. As much as it scares me to receive the answer, I am going to reach out to my contact at the company to find out how far they are in the hiring process. Clinging on to that last thread of hope.

7/16

Don’t even know what to feel today. Just ate a bunch of dry cereal after dinner. Just because. Because I eat when I don’t feel good. So I guess I’m not feeling too good. No I’m not. I’m waiting. Waiting for things to happen. Or one thing at least. If this doesn’t happen, I don’t know what to do.

7/12

Had a good time with my mom. Had an even better time with her outside this crazy city. Need to relocate. Applying for jobs on the West Coast. Fingers crossed. The city is making me crazy and sick.

6/25

Feeling very insecure today. Was feeling ok until I had to teach yoga today. Usually not a big deal. Today I had two senior teachers in my class. I was nervous like hell. Today I wanted to try winging it and didn’t have anything prepared. One of the teachers had a really weird look on her face at some point during class which I interpreted as a negative comment to my teaching. Which it may not have been at all. It may have been the music, some feeling in her body or a thought. But this has been nagging me since. Yes, I am still a new teacher with little experience. And yes, it’s ok to be nervous. Why can’t I just shrug it off?

6/20

I really suck at keeping a journal.

Been feeling very depressed lately. Yoga is the only thing that makes me happy and keeps me going. Will try to up my journaling game on here.

6/3

Stomach aches and back pain are back. Both were a lot better when I wasn’t working. No, I don’t like my job, but it’s only for a few weeks, so why can’t my body just play along. This is a sign for me though that teaching Yoga will be the right thing to do. Now I just have to decide where.

5/30

I hate myself for eating all the food yesterday. I didn’t just over-eat. I just ate, all day. Almost everything I had. All the chocolate. All the cheese. All the cereal. Today I feel terrible. Obviously. No more chocolate for me.

Good thing is, I started working part-time today. Less time to eat. But also less time to think about where to go next.

Big decision. No clue where to start.

Better go to bed before I find food.

5/29

This weather makes me depressed. It’s almost June and it’s below 60F outside and raining. So done with this. Just sitting here, procrastinating. Eating. Can’t wait to go to yoga later.

5/14

I’ve been feeling a lack of energy. I get up, I meditate and do Pranayama, I have breakfast and then. I just sit. I start several tasks, but have a hard time completing them. Why? Indecisiveness. Like I am trying to place an order on Amazon, but haven’t gotten to the free shipping amount. So I leave it. Unfinished. Until I can think of something to add. But I need some of the things in that order. What do I do? Why am I sitting here not doing anything?